A Conversation between Fear and Love

& a message from the nine of wands

This morning I read a quote that said “what you fear when you are still is driving your life when you’re not.” Wow that one hit.

I woke up drenched in sweat and shaking after a particularly scary nightmare… one that involved loss of love and control. Both are things I fear when I stop long enough to be still and listen.

A practice I’ve done for years that has really helped me in times like this is writing out the voice of my fear and then answering them with a letter from love. This is a practice in listening to my parts, and I’m so very thankful for

Elizabeth Gilbert

for teaching it.

Today, I’d like to share those letters with you, direct from my handwritten journal, because I know that when we share our fears, our desires, our humanity — it gives other people permission to be more human too. Maybe that’s something you need today.

The Letters

Fear: I need you to LISTEN TO ME! THIS IS IMPORTANT! I don’t know what or when it’s gonna happen but it’ll be bad. So we just need to keep running and if we keep running we can stay ahead of it. We can’t stop! It’s not safe!

Love: My dearest Fear, I hear you. I feel you. I see you. Thank you for alerting me to potential dangers - you’re so protective of me aren’t you? I love you for that. Why don’t you continue to tell me what you see and we can weave it into art together. I’m going to take the wheel now, because I can tell that you’re so very tired and need a snack and some warm blankets. I’ve got this. I’ve got you. You’re safe. We’re safe. I’m driving and I know exactly what to do, because you see — mystery is a dear friend of mine. Her darkness doesn’t frighten me. My lantern is all we need to see the next step to take. It’s made of nine wands, all bound up together and set ablaze with my fire. You’re safe in its light. I love you.

The Message: When I tend to myself, my creativity thrives.

In the nine of wands, we are invited to stand in the full power of our creative force. To name what inspires us and drives us forward and to work toward that vision.

The nine of wands represents a culmination and critical turning point in our creative cycle. Whatever we’ve been working towards, we’ve done it. We’ve birthed something new. We’ve wrestled with our passion and our drive and come out with something on the other side. There may be exhaustion right now, and that’s okay. There’s exhaustion after birth - you’ve done a big thing. There is also grief in the completion of this phase, because you’ve been pushing so hard and suddenly you’re on the other side. You need to tend to that grief and exhaustion.

This card is also asking you to begin looking forward to what comes next on the horizon. It’s an invitation to consider your relationship with your creative force. You have it, it’s intrinsic within you… and you’ve activated it. Now it’s time to be intentional about cultivating a relationship with it. We’re being called to create a vision and we want to do that immediately. But longevity and sustainability is key, and our bodies will be the first to tell us we’re overdoing it. Practice listening today. It’s okay to take some downtime to rest and recharge. Heck, it’s absolutely necessary after birth. You’re safe. Let love take the wheel.

xoxo, Molly